Life is crazy, hard and beautiful.

So many things have changed since I last wrote in this journal.

I am no longer married.
The past few months I spent serving my strong Master in person. He is moving to my country as soon as possible. Life is going to be very different. Life is going to be how it should be.

I know. 
I could feel it too, in your voice. 



It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. I was curled up in my comfy armchair in the sunshine, talking with Master. I felt very close to Master during that phone call, really connected. We had been talking openly about life, and wanting the world to return to normal again. Master wanted to use his servant, have me kneeling there in front of him, massaging his feet. Hearing that created a huge longing to serve my Master in person. Sometimes it makes me a bit sad that I’m here, and he is there. But I was feeling strong and hopeful that day. So I didn’t feel a crushing sadness while we talked, but I should admit a few tears did run slowly down my cheeks (I didn’t actually tell Master that was happening, I needed/wanted to be strong for him. I do miss my Master).


It’s interesting, I usually remember our conversations quite well. But this particular one I struggle to remember what was said when. I know we talked about me kneeling in the shower on the hard tiles that morning, and what that meant to me. I know he told me I would have an orgasm for him, after we finished talking. I remember Master saying he wanted to have me kneeling and he would mark my face. Mmmmm. My god I need that. I think the thought of kneeling in front of my Master and being covered in his cum is what tipped me over the edge.

Tomorrow morning you will mark yourself.
Mmm, Yes Master.
You will write Property of Superior Master across your chest. You will make it look nice.
Yes Master, I will.

As he spoke, I remember getting so horny, feeling how much I needed to serve my Master, to be completely used by him. I knew I was replying to him, “Mmm, yes, Master”, but it felt different to our normal conversations, my voice sounded different. It was no longer my sweet good girl voice. I was responding from inside myself, with no thought, just feeling. His voice was having a strong, direct effect on my body. I could feel it happening, I was aware of my body’s reaction to him. It seemed like it was my whole body reacting, head to toe. I could feel my body melting, getting warm and horny. Like I was radiating horny heat. I could feel my pussy was increasingly wet. His voice, energy and power over me was my entire world. I embraced Master’s energy, and I embraced my need to be controlled by him. I stopped thinking and just allowed all of that to fill me. It was a perfect moment where my mind was blissfully quiet. I felt safe. I felt so relaxed. I could feel my Master was leading me, and I just let go and gave myself to him.

Master was in complete control of his servant. Mind, body, soul. I was his. Nothing else mattered. I completely surrendered myself to my Master.



To me, it felt like I was in a trance. Aware, but no longer in control. I can’t remember the path of the conversation very well. Perhaps it wasn’t subspace I experienced. It seems like what I read about subspace is that it is brought on by your brain flooding your body with chemicals to cope with pain, which sends submissives into a drug-like high. Although maybe I was being flooded with endorphins? It did feel a bit like I was high/blurry. Whatever that moment was — I loved it. I wish so much to be with Master in person and be that way for him.

I remember in the early days of my training, Master told me he expected me to just respond, I wasn’t to think, worry or be self-conscious. It is something I have always struggled with. Not just when serving Master, it is simply a huge part of my personality. It has always been one of my biggest frustrations. After Sunday it feels like maybe I can actually let myself go, let myself be free to be who I am. Maybe I can be this way, how Master expects/wants. I really, really need to please him with this. And I need it for myself too. It feels, liberating.

There has been a mental shift that has occurred for me in the last few weeks. This is perhaps not the moment to write about it. Everything in its right time, yes Master? Although because of that shift, I understand my submission to my Master has deepened further. I wonder if this is part of the reason why I was able to experience what I did. If my submission for my Master is deeper, and I have realised I am giving myself over to him, maybe that makes moments like this more possible?



I must always be a better servant for Master. To be the way I was on Sunday feels like huge progress for me. It was a beautiful experience, a very special moment for this little servant. It was followed by an incredibly intense, strong orgasm. I am such a lucky little bitch. Thank you, Master. I am forever grateful for the beautiful things you create in my life.

Two years ago I knelt in front of a man I hardly knew and asked him to be my Master. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t really know what I was asking of him. All I knew was somehow that felt like something I needed. My body already reacted and connected with him more than it had with any other. I was curious and fascinated by what I felt. I already knew I needed to please him. I had felt that even before he asked me if I knew he was dominating me.

Master has become the most important man in my life, actually, the most important in my life, over everything else. So much of my day revolves around serving/pleasing my Master and being a good little servant. Serving Master over these two years has brought about many changes in me. Everything from the way I talk, my appearance, the clothes I wear, how I act, how I touch myself, to how I understand people, how I communicate and the importance to me of two simple words, “good girl”. I am still working on improving my fitness and my diet, those are a work in progress.

One of the biggest changes in me over the last two years is the complete certainty within myself of who I am, and what I need to be happy. I have a deeper understanding of myself, that I never had before. There was so much uncertainty this time last year. I knew I was submissive, but I was very fearful of my Master not wanting to keep his little servant. Seeking reassurance made me needy. The opposite of what Master wanted from me. Master has made it very clear that he wants to keep me for a long time. I trust that he is being honest with me. Not having to live with that fear is very freeing. I am incredibly grateful to my Master. I am much stronger in my submission now because of that certainty. I kind of feel like I am settling in to my submission, I feel happy and much more comfortable. Feeling comfortable doesn’t mean I am blasé or take Master’s dominance and ownership of me for granted. I guess I just feel like I understand better what Master wants from his servant, he has trained me very well. There are fewer moments of nervousness and panic about possibly displeasing Master.  

The past two years have been a time of learning how best to please Master, in the process I have ended up learning about myself too. I had always thought of myself as a fairly sexual person, but strangely never really truely enjoyed sex, which may sound odd. But now, my god, now I know why. I need to be used. I need my strong dominant Master to fuck me and use my body however he pleases. I don’t want to make decisions, I don’t want to lead. I need to be commanded and I will gratefully obey. That is what makes me horny. I need that so badly. I still have some moments of feeling self conscious when I serve Master. If he wants to hear his servant orgasm, I really struggle to overcome my self consciousness about how that will sound to him. Or not sound, as is often the case with me, because I hold my breath so often. I feel frustrated and crazy because I struggle with that. But, I can also have moments when I realize my mind does go quiet, and all I do is respond, feel, obey. I love those moments. It feels so good to simply obey and not feel self conscious or ashamed.

Every time Master fucks me, uses me, I feel like I learn more, part of me changes and adjusts to the new feelings. The first time he fucked me really rough, yanking my underwear off and pushing my face into the bed, and the first time he fucked my ass without stopping when it hurt me, it felt different/strange, not scary, but it was new. I guess newness can sometimes take some adjusting to. Those moments are now scenarios which make me incredibly horny and wet, but I know at the time my brain was trying to manage what was happening. I always feel like I learn so much and then can’t show Master how I have changed, because we are no longer close enough to explore the difference in this little servant. Master wants to move here, to live and work in my country. This little servant hopes that gives my Master the opportunity to push me, to explore, to teach me how to please him better.

I am completely the property of my Superior Master. I am his possession, his good girl. These days I don’t like cup of tea touching me, it doesn’t feel right. I have to remind myself not to pull away. I can’t remember when we last had sex, perhaps it was in early August. I am dreading cup of tea asking me what is wrong, because I don’t know what I would say. He just can’t give me what I need.

2020 has been a challenging year for everyone, especially for my Master. It has been amazing watching his strength throughout the year, dealing with the forced change to his plans, it hasn’t been easy for him. I am proud of Master, for how he has dealt with everything this year has thrown at him. We never used to talk, but now he calls and uses his little servant to order his thoughts, to keep him company, or to change his mood. I’m so grateful when he uses me that way. It has helped me understand and get to know my strong Master. Which means I can serve him better. It has made me trust him more, and I am grateful that he trusts me. One day he called me and said he was feeling moody, then laughed, because normally he doesn’t want to talk to people when he is moody. I felt so useful to him that day, it made me happy that he feels comfortable to talk with his little servant when he is feeling that way. I am grateful for every single phone call. It is wonderful to hear him laugh, to hear him happy and joking, or passionately discussing politics and the economy. In an instant it can all change though, he might command me to kneel and I feel his strong energy warming my body. He doesn’t even have to say anything. I can feel his power over me, and I desperately hope he can feel my submission and respect.

This crazy year has meant that my emotions have been much closer to the surface than I would wish. I don’t feel embarrassed to cry in front of my Master, or admit that I am feeling fragile or down. But sometimes I do feel guilty. Because I know Master is also dealing with things, I never want to burden him. The strong connection between Master and servant also means that we can sometimes feel low at the same time. Master can always fix me, he has a way of understanding his little servant. For that I am incredibly grateful. As much as I dislike admitting my low moments to Master, I know I need to tell him, and I also know that once I tell him, the process of feeling better will begin. One day I was having a fragile moment, we were talking and he told me he would fuck my ass right now, even with me feeling the way I was. Because he knew that was what I needed. He made me kneel and commanded me to spank my own ass, he wanted to hear. It was so hot, spanking myself with Master listening. Master commanding me, “Again.”

Recently I was recovering from a very strong orgasm my Master had given me permission to have. I was curled up naked on my knees next to the bed, my head resting on the floor. Master had told me to breath and recover. I felt desperate for aftercare, to be close to my Master, curled up at his feet feeling his strong energy flow through me. I could feel my need radiating out of my body. Not just a need to be close to him, it was bigger than that, broader in feeling. It was my need to serve him. My need to please him. My need to be useful. Never have I felt it so strongly in such a way, it was almost like a physical presence around me. Moments like that confirm to me how much I am completely and utterly his.

The uncertainty of knowing when I will be able to serve my Master in person is incredibly challenging. As he says, even if we knew that it would be May, or even June next year, that knowledge would mean I could cope better. Sometimes I daydream about simply getting on a plane and leaving my plain life behind. The first time I told my Master I had been thinking about that, I held my breath. I didn’t know how he would react, whether I was allowed to voice such a thought. He tells me it would be good to have me there, to serve him. I feel it in my soul that he is right, that is what I need to be doing.

If someone had told me one day a man would command me to kneel on a hard tiled floor at his feet, order me to go and make him a cup of tea, no please or thank you, and that I would be perfectly happy to be ordered in that way, in fact horny and wet by the time I got up off my knees to go and complete the task, I would have never believed them. I never knew how strongly I would feel my submission, even with the smallest tasks. I never knew how deep this could go. Now I have a hunger to serve, to obey, to learn, to discover how deeply my Master will take my submission. He has told me one day he will make me his slave. When he said those words my body reacted immediately, a hot glow radiating through me, my heart racing. I don’t understand what Master would want from me as his slave, but that doesn’t worry or concern me. I trust Master to lead his little servant. I will obey him.


To my Superior Master, thank you for these two years. I am incredibly grateful to you for your teaching, wisdom, care, guidance, patience, time, control, power, strength and ownership. You have made this little servant better, stronger and wiser. You are the most important, I will never take your presence in my life and your ownership of me for granted. Your little servant will continue to work hard to improve for you. You deserve that, Master. You deserve the best. 

Master wants his little servant to describe the feeling of being marked.

There are many ways that Master can mark his property. This little servant enjoys them all. I am a visual person, I think that is why I enjoy outward signs of being owned. Bruises on my knees, bite marks on my cheeks, hand prints on my ass and hips, Master’s name across my chest, the cuffs and the clothes I wear for my Master. His cum all over my face and body.


The very first time I sucked Master’s cock he commanded me to kneel and he covered my face in cum. He was marking me as his. It surprised me that I understood that, even then, in the early days of my submission. No man had ever done that to me before. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror of that motel, and I wondered who was looking back at me.


When I traveled to serve my Master, he marked his little servant many times. Each time I knelt, my mouth aching, my pussy soaking wet and throbbing, completely horny for my Master. Desperate to please him. He would cover my face, top to bottom, his cum everywhere. Marking me, as his. I distinctly remember standing in the bathroom, Master’s name covering my chest, his cum covering my face. I saw myself in the mirror and felt utterly beautiful. I was calm, happy, and incredibly grateful to be owned.


I know it pleases my Master, to look down on his little servant kneeling at his feet. I know that is what he wants, to use me, to do what ever he pleases with me. This little servant belongs to him. I am his toy, his pet, his possession. I kneel because I submit fully to him. I have given up my need to think and make decisions, given up control. I have to give all of myself. I need to please my Master, that feeling is so strong. When he is pleased, when he calls me his good girl, I am happy.

It makes me feel like a complete slut. To kneel on the floor at Master’s feet, hands behind my back, offering up my face and body to my Master to be covered in his cum. I am not ashamed to feel that way.

It is who I am.

This is what I need.

It was in early 2019 that Master first commanded his servant to write ‘Property of Superior Master’ on her butt. It took three attempts for me to get it good enough, and big enough to please my Master. I can remember being in a complete panic, because I knew he was waiting, I couldn’t figure out logistically how to do what he had commanded, without putting my back out. It wasn’t until Master was pleased, and I actually stopped and really looked at the words on my butt, that I realised how soaking wet my pussy was.

That has always been the effect that having my owners name on my body has on this little servant. It makes her incredibly horny. It makes her happy. Removing it is always hard.

Recently, I remembered that Master had once said that he wanted to keep me with the writing on my body 24/7. My cup of tea was away for four days, which meant I had the freedom to live like that. I couldn’t wait to drop him at the airport so I could drive home and ask for my Master’s permission to be marked for him. I was nervous asking for his permission. I didn’t want Master to feel displeased that my cup of tea being away was the reason I was asking. I didn’t want this to be about my cup of tea in any way. I really needed to have my Master’s permission.

"Mark yourself, for your owner."

Property of Superior Master, was written across my chest in big heavy black letters. Letters curling across my tits and around my nipples. I send a photo to Master for his approval.

I spend the day wearing a low cut top, the words partly showing above the fabric. Every time I walk past a mirror I stop and stare at myself. Pull my top and bra down to see Master’s name and ownership on my tits. I seem to look different. More beautiful, more sexy. Something is different about me, when I see myself, it’s like a better version of me is looking back at me in the mirror. I felt like the fact that I am his little servant was radiating out of me.

That feeling reminded me of the day that my harness was delivered. I wore it for my Master, with the latex skirt. Sent photos and videos of his little servant touching herself for him, showing him the wetness of her pussy on her fingers. Later that afternoon all dressed up in winter coat, hat and scarf, headphones in, I was walking along the street against the rush of workers all heading home. Holding my head up, in my own little world. Feeling good, still horny. A guy stopped me. I thought I must have dropped something. I hadn’t. He said I looked so beautiful, he just had to say hello, and would I like to meet him for a coffee one day. I smiled, and said “No, I’m sorry, I’m married”. But what I really wanted to say was, “No, I have a Master”. Because Master is the one that makes me feel beautiful. I realised then that I must have been radiating some kind of crazy energy after being a slut for my Master that afternoon.

It feels like my truth is shining out of me. Master says it is because I am happy understanding who I am. That I am his possession. And even if others can’t see the words, they can see me, and how different I am. He says he has wanted that from me from the first time he saw me. He was so sure of what I was. I’ve told him I don’t understand what he could see. I know it doesn’t matter right now. One day, I would like to be able to understand.

Sunday night I send Master a little video before I go to bed, to tell him good night, and show him his mark is still in place. Every day I reapply the mark after my shower, fix it during the day if it gets smudged or looks like it is fading. I spend the days in a constant state of horniness. My pussy throbbing and wet.

On Monday morning I get two messages from Master.

"You will have an orgasm.
On your knees"

I read his messages and groan out loud. I’m so incredibly grateful. I strip off my clothes and kneel on the wooden floor of the bedroom, in front of the mirror. I see the words on my tits, and I watch myself. I think what a little slut my Master is making me. I’m so horny I could orgasm straight away, but I don’t want to. Being allowed to have an orgasm is a treat, don’t rush, I need to enjoy it for as long as possible. I need it to feel so strong and so intense that my Master can feel it over the other side of the world. God, I needed that orgasm. It went on and on. I was so grateful that Master allowed his little servant to touch herself and have an orgasm for him.

The mark remains in place for four days. On the final day I know I have to remove it. I stand in the bathroom feeling sad. It slowly comes off as I rub. Once it is gone I look at myself and feel suddenly plain. I don’t want to cry, but I can feel the tears coming. I take some deep breaths, force the tears away and focus on the fact that I am still Masters possession. Still his little servant. Still his good girl. That truth hasn’t changed. Only the outward sign has gone.

The four days have made me wonder. Why is it so powerful to be marked in that way? It is of course a truth that I already know, I am owned, I am my Master’s possession. I can’t show anyone. No-one knows the mark is there. Only Master and this little servant know. It makes me think about other outward signs of possession, like collars, leashes and cuffs. But also leaves me wondering if there might be other, more discreet, ways of showing my complete submission to my Master.

It is Monday. I don’t have much work to do, I’m watching some tv while I eat my lunch. Master messages me.

"What are you doing?
I’m horny."

I read his message and my pussy contracts and starts to throb. Now we are both horny. Master calls me his little bitch. I agree. Of course I am, but it is still hard when Master calls me that. Although I notice the feeling of discomfort is less than when he called me bitch for the first time.

"I want to see your body.
On your knees."

I quickly shut the dog downstairs and strip off my clothes with my heart racing. I take a photo and send it to Master. I’m not in the correct position, his displeasure radiates out of my phone. I try not to panic, I hate displeasing my Master. I kneel naked on the wooden floor, take another photo and apologise.

"I know you miss my big cock."

"Yes, your servant misses your big thick cock."

"Write it down on your tits.
I want to read that from there."

I find a pen and start to write. The pen stops working. I’m frantically running around the house trying to find a pen that will write on my skin. I don’t want to keep my Master waiting, but I also want to do it right so he is pleased. By the time I’m finished writing and have sent Master a photo I’m so wet. I look down and see wetness sticking to the inside of my thighs. I groan. My god. Writing messages for Master on my skin always has this effect on me.

Property of:
Superior Master
Your servant misses your big thick cock

Master commands his servant to touch herself, and I gratefully reach between my legs. My phone sitting on the floor in front of me. One hand on my clit and the other hand pushing fingers into my soaking wet pussy. I’m stunned by how wet I am. My pussy and clit feel swollen and achy. I read the words on my tits, a jolt of need shoots through my body, I like having them on my skin. I’m so horny I feel like I could orgasm instantly, but I have not been given permission, so I control myself.

But I am desperate. It is only a few minutes later I send a message to my Master pleading with him to allow his little servant to have his orgasm. He laughs.

"You must need it
When was the last time I allowed you to have an orgasm?"

My mind is going all blurry. I can’t remember, it feels like two weeks ago but I can’t be sure.

"You can have an orgasm
On your knees"

I thank my Master, tell him that his servant is on her knees for him, where she belongs. Then I concentrate on all the pleasure that has been growing in my body, it’s spreading outwards like a fire from my clit. I stare down at the writing all over my tits.

Two messages ping on my phone:

"You are so little next to me
You have no will"

Master is right, he always is. I groan as my orgasm starts sending pulses through my whole body. I can feel waves of pressure on my fingers as my pussy contracts over and over. The feeling is so intense. It seems to just go on and on. I realise I’m moaning, with pleasure and relief. Then instantly it changes, and I’m sobbing. Huge gasping sobs that shake my body as my orgasm slows down. I collapse forward with my head resting on the floor, curled over my knees, tears are coming and I can’t stop them. I don’t understand what is happening to me. I’m really scared. I’m shaking. I’m cold. I need my Masters arms around me. He’s not there.

I stay like that for several minutes until the tears subside and I can move. I reach for my phone. I need my Master, but I don’t know what to write. Do I tell him what just happened? I don’t even really understand what just happened. Is he going to think I’m weird and strange? I feel weird and strange. Who has orgasms like that? Master always wants me to be honest. I tell him.

"That’s the power I have over you
Stay on your knees
Down
Where you belong"

I stay kneeling on the floor and think about what he wrote, what just happened to me. I feel exhausted, shattered, in desperate need of a cuddle and some aftercare. I rest my head against the edge of the bed and stare at the writing. Twenty minutes later I message Master and ask if his servant may please be dismissed.

He releases me, but wants one more orgasm in 30 minutes. He wants me to be slow. He wants me to be grateful. I set the timer on my phone, I get dressed and sit at my desk. My body is still humming, because I know my Master has demanded another orgasm from me. Twenty minutes go by then I undress again and kneel on the floor. I take my time, as commanded. The timer ticks down. I watch it and hold my orgasm for my Master.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
I have my Masters permission and I orgasm hard for him again.