My Master is back home now. It felt strange saying goodbye. Strange knowing that he is no longer only a few blocks away. Yes, he is physically far from me, but as he says, he is close. Always.

There are so many different things to write about from Master's visit. This is most likely going to be a jumble of thoughts and memories. Apologies if it is disjointed. It feels like I need to write down all these things, because I need to see how far I have come, how much I have changed, understand who I am and what I need to do to be better in the future for my Master.


The submissive me has been growing and growing. I’ve felt it happening. There was a lot of curiosity, for both of us I think, about how I was going to be and how I was going to react and behave.

Kneeling for my Master
It felt so good to kneel in front of my Master. Comfortable. Right. He said he thinks it is humiliating to kneel for someone. Which I thought was curious. Maybe I misunderstood, and he feels it would be humiliating for him to kneel for someone? Which it would be, of course. I don’t feel humiliated kneeling for my Master. Far from it. I respect him and his power over me. It is an honour, not a humiliation, to kneel for my Master.

It was strange to first see my Master in a big group of people. Then sitting next to him in a bar, drinking terrible wine, while a girl questioned him about love and relationships. Those few hours were so bizarre. All I wanted to do was kneel and have my Master smile and say “good girl”. After that night, when we were around others, I would stand with my arms linked behind my back, the way Master taught me, because it was my way of dealing with being in a “normal” situation with my Master. I needed to show him that he is always my Master, no matter what I am doing, or where I am.

Master slapped me
Yes, I knew that Dominants slap their submissives. I knew there was a chance that my Master would slap me. I just wasn’t sure how I would react. The answer is that I didn’t react. It felt like a completely normal thing for him to do. Because my body belongs to him, so he can do whatever he wants to it. I accept that, and enjoy that, because that it pleases my Master to see how much I am his.
It is a crazy good feeling when my Master has his hands around my neck and on my throat. I crave it. I need to feel his fingers tightening, holding me to him. It makes me just want to melt into him. It makes my pussy throb. I get horny just thinking about it. Master taught me to move towards him, to press against the pressure of his hands. This little servant will remember that lesson and will do so when she sees her Master next.

It has felt like my Master had been fucking my mind for the last nine months. Suddenly he was here, right in front of me, his cock filling and stretching my mouth, pussy and ass. He was fucking my body and leaving his marks of ownership all over me. Hand prints on my hips from pulling me on to his cock as I sat in his lap. Bruises on my chest, knees, shins, feet and hips. Marks across my butt from him spanking me. Master said I’m like a flower, because I bruise so easily. That made me smile. This little servant doesn’t mind the bruises. I’m proud of them. They make me horny, because I know what I did to get them.

My Master didn’t just mark me with his hands, he marked me with his cum. My face, hair, stomach, tits. One day he came in my mouth and I walked home straight after. My cup of tea was there, and as I gave him a quick kiss hello, I thought isn’t it funny that these lips were so recently wrapped around my Masters thick cock. I felt no guilt whatsoever. Knowing me, and the morals that I thought I had, all my life, that still manages to surprise me. 

“What will you do for your Master?”
“Anything.”

He stretched my pretty little ass with his thick cock. I had been sure that one day my Master would fuck my ass and he wouldn’t be nice and allow my body time to adjust to him. He wanted his servant to open herself to her Master. He wanted to hear that it hurt, he wanted to know that I would take the pain to please him. I know the pain is worth it. My body did open for my Master. I like being stretched and full of my Master’s cock.

The first time Master fucked my ass on this trip, I was so turned on and horny I was incredibly close to having an orgasm. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to ask Master’s permission to have the orgasm. I was too nervous to ask. Firstly because I know that serving Master is for his pleasure, not mine. Secondly, I didn’t want to look like a fool asking permission to have an orgasm that would probably go away the instant I asked.


He fucked me hard and rough. I needed the feeling of him using me, for his pleasure not mine.
He pushed me face down onto the bed with my ass in the air and fucked me.
He lay on top of me, my arms behind my head, pinned me with his arms on top of mine. God that felt good. It made me so horny.
It is so interesting to see how I react to different aspects of serving my Master. I don’t feel self conscious when I am being used in that way. Not that I have any choice about anything, but when I’m being fucked that hard, I really truly feel like I am being used as my Masters possession.

Master is the best fuck I have ever had, because he knows how to fuck my mind and my body.
 

Master and I met one day while he was here to walk around the city. He drank coffee, one good, one bad. We talked.

He asked me how I was. I told him honestly that I hadn’t been that good. I had been feeling quite fragile and odd since I had last served him. He thought maybe that was because he had fucked me rougher than previous times. Given that I enjoy that, I didn’t believe that was the case. Of course, I had done some googling, to try to understand what I was feeling. Someone else must surely have felt the same. I did find some writing that helped me. It was called Coping with Emotional sub Drop. A lot of it seemed to make sense, the coming down off the endorphin high, the feeling of being vulnerable after having been so open and exposed.

Master hadn’t told me how it would be when he was here. He had just said wanted me to be available. So I made sure I was, as best I could. I took time off work, I planned it so I could be out in the evenings in case he wanted me to serve him. Then he didn’t want to see me every day, he didn’t command me to cook for him, that surprised me a bit. Yes, I know he wasn’t just here for me, he was here to work. Plus time is never on our side. I felt like I needed to serve him more, learn as much as I could. And I don’t just mean serve him as in have sex. Master knows that the domination he has over me is not just about sex. It is continuous, all day, every day. I needed to be close to him. I think perhaps the emotional drop that I had was to do with this. I felt slightly abandoned. Like I wasn’t wanted. Saying that may displease my Master. He deserves to do as he wants, when he wants. That feeling is something that I need to be aware of, I need to be stronger, not let it take over in future.


It did feel really good to talk though. We are in touch constantly, but messaging is not the best way for talking about bigger things. We never really talked about how this would all work when he accepted me as his submissive. I don’t think either of us knew what would happen, whether he would want to keep me, whether I would find my submissive self that had been hiding. So many unknowns. 

“I want you to be my servant 24/7”

In all honesty, I really didn’t know what he meant when he said that to me. Was he wanting to steal me away in his suitcase? No. Obviously not. I am married and have my life here. He understands that. But to know that my Master wants this little servant to serve him 24/7 is a beautiful feeling. It makes me happy. It calms me. I will continue to serve and please my Master as best I can. I won’t worry about the future, I don’t think about the future. I will just take every day as it comes, and be grateful.

I think my Master is worried that a crisis is looming in my relationship. There is that danger. If I continue to be less affectionate. If I continue to say no to sex. It will cause a problem. I can see that. I don’t want that.

When I was first with Master he asked how often I have sex. I told him about once a month. Now it is much less. I say no for various reasons. Sex with my cup of tea is boring and quick. It doesn’t turn me on. I need different things. I belong to my Master now. If I have sex, I will be punished. I am a good girl. I fear being punished and will avoid punishment as much as I can. Making post-sex videos apologising to my Master truly is an excruciating punishment.

Talking to Master that afternoon made me really realise that something needs to change. I have to find a way to make my new life work with the boundaries that I have. 

 
“I want to keep you. I don’t want you to worry about that”
Hearing my Master say those words, it was so important to me. I really needed to hear him say that. I am incredibly grateful that he did.

I think the two separate me’s are now one. I have to come to terms with that. I have to make this work.
I know who I am now. I am my Master’s little servant. He is pleased with my progress.

I had sex with my cup of tea on Sunday night. It had been weeks since we’d last had sex (on our anniversary). My cup of tea had been trying to have sex with me several nights in a row, but I had always managed to put him off. On Sunday night I decided not to say no. My Master is coming to visit soon, I don’t want to have sex with my cup of tea while my Master is here. If I agreed to have sex now, that would hopefully mean I could avoid it for the next month at least.

I’m not actually sure he lasted three minutes this time. It felt more like two minutes, or actually even less. Foreplay included, which is non-existent if I’m really honest. There is no way that sex like that with my cup of tea turns me on. I’m never aroused for him. According to him it felt amazing, but the feeling is obviously not mutual.

The whole time I thought of my Master. How much better my Master can fuck. How much longer my Master can fuck. How disappointed and displeased my Master would be when I told him what his little servant had done.

Sex with my cup of tea makes me feel quite upset. Firstly because it’s bad, boring sex. Secondly because I have disappointed my Master. I belong to my Master. All of me, mind, body, soul. My body should only be for him. 

cup of tea falls instantly asleep and I lie awake feeling miserable. I don’t sleep well, and wake in the morning feeling awful. he leaves for the day and I message my Master to apologise for what I have done. I always try to apologise as soon as possible, making sure I am alone so that I can apologise completely in a way that pleases my Master.

When I press send on the message apologising my heart rate is sky high and I feel slightly ill. The wait for my Master to read the message is dreadful. I wait for his reaction, and my punishment. I know I will eventually feel better once Master has punished me for disappointing him. I need him to forgive his little servant so I can feel normal again.

Fifteen painful minutes later he messages commanding me to make a video apologising. That is my punishment. He wants the video now, he is going out so won’t watch it till later. My friend is due at my house in five minutes, I ring her to delay her. I strip off my clothes so I am naked, set up my mobile to take the video, then kneel staring at the red Record dot on the screen, trying desperately to calm down. Making the videos for my Master is always a double punishment. I’m sure he knows that. My discomfort is plain to see. My mouth goes dry and words disappear from my head.

I always have a few false starts. Finally I manage to record an apology. I press Send. I get dressed. Then I send another message letting Master know that his apologetic little servant is going to walk her dog with her friend. My friend is in a happy mood and I try to hide the fact that I am not. It would be impossible for me to tell her what was wrong.

All day I am miserable. Nothing seems to go right. I try to finish the dress I am making, it should be simple, just hem it and I’m done, but I try it on and it doesn’t fit correctly. Pins stab my tits and one pokes me in the upper lip, and my frustration and disappointment gets the better of me. It’s all my fault of course, why I am feeling terrible. I deserve to feel this way. I wonder how Master is. I constantly check my phone, even though I don’t have our conversation muted, so there is no need to keep checking. He will reply when he wants.

Seven hours later Master tells me that he is pleased with his servant’s apologies. Of course I am relieved, but I also know that how I am feeling will take time to recover from. It usually takes me until the next day before I can begin to feel happy again, even though Master has accepted my apology. The recovery is a slow process.

It is lucky for me that I manage to keep sex to a minimum. Because the feeling of displeasing and disappointing my Master is horrendous, that feeling lasts so much longer than the terrible sex.


My goal is to please my Master. Only by doing so can I be a happy little servant.