Life is crazy, hard and beautiful.

So many things have changed since I last wrote in this journal.

I am no longer married.
The past few months I spent serving my strong Master in person. He is moving to my country as soon as possible. Life is going to be very different. Life is going to be how it should be.

Two years ago I knelt in front of a man I hardly knew and asked him to be my Master. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t really know what I was asking of him. All I knew was somehow that felt like something I needed. My body already reacted and connected with him more than it had with any other. I was curious and fascinated by what I felt. I already knew I needed to please him. I had felt that even before he asked me if I knew he was dominating me.

Master has become the most important man in my life, actually, the most important in my life, over everything else. So much of my day revolves around serving/pleasing my Master and being a good little servant. Serving Master over these two years has brought about many changes in me. Everything from the way I talk, my appearance, the clothes I wear, how I act, how I touch myself, to how I understand people, how I communicate and the importance to me of two simple words, “good girl”. I am still working on improving my fitness and my diet, those are a work in progress.

One of the biggest changes in me over the last two years is the complete certainty within myself of who I am, and what I need to be happy. I have a deeper understanding of myself, that I never had before. There was so much uncertainty this time last year. I knew I was submissive, but I was very fearful of my Master not wanting to keep his little servant. Seeking reassurance made me needy. The opposite of what Master wanted from me. Master has made it very clear that he wants to keep me for a long time. I trust that he is being honest with me. Not having to live with that fear is very freeing. I am incredibly grateful to my Master. I am much stronger in my submission now because of that certainty. I kind of feel like I am settling in to my submission, I feel happy and much more comfortable. Feeling comfortable doesn’t mean I am blasé or take Master’s dominance and ownership of me for granted. I guess I just feel like I understand better what Master wants from his servant, he has trained me very well. There are fewer moments of nervousness and panic about possibly displeasing Master.  

The past two years have been a time of learning how best to please Master, in the process I have ended up learning about myself too. I had always thought of myself as a fairly sexual person, but strangely never really truely enjoyed sex, which may sound odd. But now, my god, now I know why. I need to be used. I need my strong dominant Master to fuck me and use my body however he pleases. I don’t want to make decisions, I don’t want to lead. I need to be commanded and I will gratefully obey. That is what makes me horny. I need that so badly. I still have some moments of feeling self conscious when I serve Master. If he wants to hear his servant orgasm, I really struggle to overcome my self consciousness about how that will sound to him. Or not sound, as is often the case with me, because I hold my breath so often. I feel frustrated and crazy because I struggle with that. But, I can also have moments when I realize my mind does go quiet, and all I do is respond, feel, obey. I love those moments. It feels so good to simply obey and not feel self conscious or ashamed.

Every time Master fucks me, uses me, I feel like I learn more, part of me changes and adjusts to the new feelings. The first time he fucked me really rough, yanking my underwear off and pushing my face into the bed, and the first time he fucked my ass without stopping when it hurt me, it felt different/strange, not scary, but it was new. I guess newness can sometimes take some adjusting to. Those moments are now scenarios which make me incredibly horny and wet, but I know at the time my brain was trying to manage what was happening. I always feel like I learn so much and then can’t show Master how I have changed, because we are no longer close enough to explore the difference in this little servant. Master wants to move here, to live and work in my country. This little servant hopes that gives my Master the opportunity to push me, to explore, to teach me how to please him better.

I am completely the property of my Superior Master. I am his possession, his good girl. These days I don’t like cup of tea touching me, it doesn’t feel right. I have to remind myself not to pull away. I can’t remember when we last had sex, perhaps it was in early August. I am dreading cup of tea asking me what is wrong, because I don’t know what I would say. He just can’t give me what I need.

2020 has been a challenging year for everyone, especially for my Master. It has been amazing watching his strength throughout the year, dealing with the forced change to his plans, it hasn’t been easy for him. I am proud of Master, for how he has dealt with everything this year has thrown at him. We never used to talk, but now he calls and uses his little servant to order his thoughts, to keep him company, or to change his mood. I’m so grateful when he uses me that way. It has helped me understand and get to know my strong Master. Which means I can serve him better. It has made me trust him more, and I am grateful that he trusts me. One day he called me and said he was feeling moody, then laughed, because normally he doesn’t want to talk to people when he is moody. I felt so useful to him that day, it made me happy that he feels comfortable to talk with his little servant when he is feeling that way. I am grateful for every single phone call. It is wonderful to hear him laugh, to hear him happy and joking, or passionately discussing politics and the economy. In an instant it can all change though, he might command me to kneel and I feel his strong energy warming my body. He doesn’t even have to say anything. I can feel his power over me, and I desperately hope he can feel my submission and respect.

This crazy year has meant that my emotions have been much closer to the surface than I would wish. I don’t feel embarrassed to cry in front of my Master, or admit that I am feeling fragile or down. But sometimes I do feel guilty. Because I know Master is also dealing with things, I never want to burden him. The strong connection between Master and servant also means that we can sometimes feel low at the same time. Master can always fix me, he has a way of understanding his little servant. For that I am incredibly grateful. As much as I dislike admitting my low moments to Master, I know I need to tell him, and I also know that once I tell him, the process of feeling better will begin. One day I was having a fragile moment, we were talking and he told me he would fuck my ass right now, even with me feeling the way I was. Because he knew that was what I needed. He made me kneel and commanded me to spank my own ass, he wanted to hear. It was so hot, spanking myself with Master listening. Master commanding me, “Again.”

Recently I was recovering from a very strong orgasm my Master had given me permission to have. I was curled up naked on my knees next to the bed, my head resting on the floor. Master had told me to breath and recover. I felt desperate for aftercare, to be close to my Master, curled up at his feet feeling his strong energy flow through me. I could feel my need radiating out of my body. Not just a need to be close to him, it was bigger than that, broader in feeling. It was my need to serve him. My need to please him. My need to be useful. Never have I felt it so strongly in such a way, it was almost like a physical presence around me. Moments like that confirm to me how much I am completely and utterly his.

The uncertainty of knowing when I will be able to serve my Master in person is incredibly challenging. As he says, even if we knew that it would be May, or even June next year, that knowledge would mean I could cope better. Sometimes I daydream about simply getting on a plane and leaving my plain life behind. The first time I told my Master I had been thinking about that, I held my breath. I didn’t know how he would react, whether I was allowed to voice such a thought. He tells me it would be good to have me there, to serve him. I feel it in my soul that he is right, that is what I need to be doing.

If someone had told me one day a man would command me to kneel on a hard tiled floor at his feet, order me to go and make him a cup of tea, no please or thank you, and that I would be perfectly happy to be ordered in that way, in fact horny and wet by the time I got up off my knees to go and complete the task, I would have never believed them. I never knew how strongly I would feel my submission, even with the smallest tasks. I never knew how deep this could go. Now I have a hunger to serve, to obey, to learn, to discover how deeply my Master will take my submission. He has told me one day he will make me his slave. When he said those words my body reacted immediately, a hot glow radiating through me, my heart racing. I don’t understand what Master would want from me as his slave, but that doesn’t worry or concern me. I trust Master to lead his little servant. I will obey him.


To my Superior Master, thank you for these two years. I am incredibly grateful to you for your teaching, wisdom, care, guidance, patience, time, control, power, strength and ownership. You have made this little servant better, stronger and wiser. You are the most important, I will never take your presence in my life and your ownership of me for granted. Your little servant will continue to work hard to improve for you. You deserve that, Master. You deserve the best. 

"Good girl.
I’m feeling proud of you.
Do you feel you are stronger than before?"

"So much stronger.
Feels amazing."

Anxiety, nervousness and feeling self conscious have always been a part of my life. These are feelings that have stopped me from doing the simplest of things. I got caught up in worry, I would procrastinate, then I wouldn’t follow through on what I should be doing. When I was out in public, I walked with my head down, eyes looking at the ground.

When I became Master’s little servant that created a new collection of worries to add to my ever growing list. I was too plain, too vanilla, not sexy, not interesting enough, not confident enough. Does he really want me, does he find me attractive, do I look foolish?… on and on they went. I am not proud of that. It makes me quite sad and emotional to write all those things down, to bring them out into the open. Although, I’m pretty sure Master knows them all.


Being submissive is not a sign of weakness.
Submission is a sign of strength.
A greater degree of submission requires a greater degree of personal strength.


Serving my Master over the past year and a half has been a huge time of growth. Master has been patiently training, guiding, encouraging, pushing and shaping me into the strong little servant he wants. He tells me he is proud of me. Then he tells me he wants more.

Initially I had to have the strength to take a massive step into the unknown, to be with a man who was not my husband, explore my submission, learn what I need to be happy. Next came the strength to accept Master’s punishments and learn how to be a better servant for him. One of the hardest things to stay strong with was Master fucking other girls. Early on, I thought I had accepted the fact that he fucked others, however, despite my curiosity about my Master’s sex life, my self confidence often struggled. It was only in April this year that I felt myself fully accept and understand that him fucking others makes absolutely no difference to my service to him. He wants me and I will obey him. Now I just wish I could join in, to be able to give my Master more pleasure. The realisation of this makes me stronger.

I never thought I would have the strength to serve my Master with someone else. He was very clear he wanted that, I knew I would obey him despite my fears. I knelt in front of Master and stripped off my clothes as commanded, revealing myself and his mark across my chest to his submissive. To my surprise, I wasn’t a nervous, self conscious mess, like I always imagined I would be. My Master’s pleasure gave me strength. His mark gave me strength. I could feel he was proud of me. It felt so right to serve him in that way that it is funny that I ever worried about it. I guess that is just the process. Every time I serve him my world gets clearer, things make more sense, I make more sense.
"I want us to be connected,
but I don’t want you to be needy."

Recently I messaged Master to tell him I miss him. The actual reality of the situation being that I was feeling insecure and needy. He doesn’t want that. I do understand that. I know exposing my weakness will displease my Master, but when I am honest with him, he can always help me to understand what is going on, and I am so very grateful for that. His guidance makes me stronger.

Master wants a strong servant. If I am to please him, I need to be strong. I don’t want to be a nuisance to Master, constantly seeking reassurance from him. If I do that, I am questioning his judgement. Master telling me that was a massive turning point for me. I felt like it hit me between the eyes when he said it. I instantly understood what I was doing from Master’s perspective. I trust my Master, and I will trust what he saw in his little servant.

I know I will have moments in the future when I will feel fragile. Despite my best efforts, I am not perfect. Master doesn’t expect his little servant to be perfect. Master wants an obedient, dedicated little servant who is always willing to improve. My huge need to please my Master, and have him be proud of me, is the biggest driving force behind me working hard each day to be stronger for him. Master is the most important to me, I need to ensure he is pleased. I need to make his life better, not make it harder.


The world feels like it is in a moment of madness. I have no idea when I will see my Master again, when I will be able to kneel gratefully at his feet. I try to remain focused on the present. My daily routines and tasks help to reassure me and keep my mind calm. Messaging Master when I wake, asking for permission to do things, training and running, kneeling to meditate, saying good night before I get into bed. All of these small things help me. They give me purpose, they give my day focus. I feel stronger because of that. Each day when I take time to kneel, take deep breaths imagining my Master sitting in front of me, I feel my entire body relax and my mind calm.

The process seems to be speeding up. I can feel my strength is growing, it feels as though it is growing exponentially now. When Master feels that in me, when I register the feeling within myself, it makes me even stronger. I love the feeling. I tell Master it feels amazing. It feels so real and complete that it feels like a physical presence, almost as though I can see it shining out of me when I look at myself in the mirror. There is a calmness in me now. I am more at peace with myself. I accept and can admit what I am. I belong only to my Master, this little servant was born to be his, I will forever serve him.


The fear of not being good enough for Master had always haunted me. I never felt sexy, hot or beautiful. I am different now. There is a certainty that was never there before. I am stronger. And I know that the stronger this little servant becomes, the more beautiful I become in my Master’s eyes.

I have never felt happier with who I am, or more comfortable in my skin, than I do at this moment. The wonderful and exciting thing is that I know there is more inside me to discover.

This little servant is so grateful to my Master. You are the reason for this little servant’s happiness and strength.

Thank you, Master.

"Good girl.
But I want to see your tits too."

This little good girl has come a long way, but I also know there is a long way to go. I can still remember how I felt when I took the first naked photo of myself for Master. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it was crashing into my throat. I was so fearful. That was the day Master was getting a blow job from one of his servants, and he sent messages to his submissive and I commanding us to touch ourselves. I can remember her loving it, she always wanted to hear stories, I was simply trying to hold myself together because Master had pushed my boundaries hard that day.
 
When I first began serving my strong Master, he asked me if I was a jealous person. I didn’t even have to think about the answer, I answered immediately. “Yes.” I have always been a passionately jealous person. I have been cheated on and lied to in nearly all my relationships. That has made me wary, and made me want to never be made to look foolish ever again. I know this is where my jealousy comes from. In the beginning, it was hard for me, when Master would tell me he was fucking other girls. He would send me photos and I would always compare myself to them. I knew he was just doing what he wanted. I needed to please him, by being happy that he has the power to fuck multiple beautiful hot girls. Part of me was turned on, I was curious to hear Master’s stories. But I think he could feel that his little servant was not yet entirely comfortable hearing what he was telling me. He wanted me to be naughtier.

Master has always been clear that who he fucks doesn’t make any difference to me serving him. I have known this. But it is only in the last week that I truly feel it doesn’t matter. I was standing in the bathroom about to get in the shower, and it was like my brain clicked into place. We have our connection. He is my Master and he has chosen me to serve him. I am his grateful, lucky little servant. Our connection is not simply about sex. Master wants my complete obedience and submission. I need his power, his control and guidance in everything I do. He wants to fuck hot girls, which he deserves to do. That does not change anything about how I serve my Master, or who I am to him.

Master has been drawing out my naughty side, slowly, but surely. Yes, I still feel self-conscious sometimes, a little shy, but I am working on that for Master. I feel like my mind is opening up, and I am embracing being Master’s naughty little servant more. I have dreams about him fucking me, dreams about him wrapping his hands tight around my neck, dreams about being curled up at his feet. I wake up in the morning, horny, wet and craving my Master. Last week I dreamt he was sending me videos of him fucking a hot girl. It was interesting for me that in the dream I was happy and horny to be getting sent those messages from Master. I woke up and told him about my dream.

If Master allows this little servant to touch herself and have an orgasm I have things that I think about that make me orgasm. What I think about has changed over time, although even before becoming a servant to my Master, it has always involved me being used. I can recognise that now. Lately, I have thought about Master fucking my pretty ass. The moment before he does, and then the pain and pleasure of his cock stretching me, using what is his, me accepting that I have no power and will never complain.

Master commanded his little servant to meditate for hours, dressed in chains and latex. I was to think about how thankful I am to my superior Master, feel the stimulation I get from him. My mind was thinking through all different parts of my submission to my Master, the whole experience left me feeling very small, very vulnerable, completely powerless. When he commanded me to touch myself and have an orgasm for him I was in quite a fragile state. He wanted to hear me have his orgasm. My mind was in a place where I was feeling very small, with a huge need to please my Master and just be close to him. I imagined being collared on a chain that Master held. Kneeling at his feet as he fucked another girl. He commanded me to watch as he stretched and fucked her, not me. Imagining this is obviously a massive change for this little servant. I don’t know whether I will go back to my usual fantasy the next time my Master allows me to have his orgasm. Perhaps I will. The fact that I could orgasm while thinking about my Master fucking another girl in front of me feels as though I have made a shift, an adjustment in how I am.

This naughtier part of me growing makes me happier. Because it means I feel even more certain of who I am, I am more comfortable with who I am. I am calmer and stronger. Which makes me a better servant for my Master. Master wants his good girl to be naughtier for him. I know I can be. This servant would be incredibly grateful to have her Master’s teaching and guidance to develop her growing inner naughty servant.

"Soon you will be boarding a plane to come to your man, your real man, your owner, your Master."

It felt so surreal to travel to be with my Master, with the most freedom I have ever had to serve him, for over three weeks. It felt like a gift. I thought I would be nervous to see him, I wasn’t. I arrived not knowing how things would be between us. The months prior to my trip Master had felt more distant from me. His life had changed. I wasn’t sure how I fitted in to his life anymore, now that he had a girlfriend. I didn’t know if he wanted to keep his little servant. I desperately needed to serve him as much as possible.

He makes me kneel and tells me the rules I must obey, how I must behave. I am to always greet him at the door. If I am kneeling before him I am to keep my eyes down, unless he tells me otherwise. When we are with his submissive, I am to call him Master and openly show my submission. I am to be respectful at all times. I am grateful for the rules, I need them, it makes it easier to serve my Master and know that he is pleased.

“You will mark yourself, for your Master.”

For almost the entire time I was there I was marked as my Master’s property. ‘Property of Superior Master’ was inked on my skin, the words covering my chest. It felt amazing to be allowed to present myself that way for my Master. I liked that he could see his name on my body. His property. It always makes me feel beautiful to have my owner’s name marked on me. I enjoyed the daily ritual of it. My day only began once my Master’s mark was in place.


The three weeks were definitely an emotional roller-coaster. It felt so right to be there serving my Master, I knew that that was what I need to be doing. I was just struggling to understand how my Master felt. Did he feel the same way? Is this what he wanted? Was I what he wanted?

He was incredibly busy and exhausted from working. I understand now, but I hadn’t experienced that with my Master before. I hadn’t lived alongside him while he works. I understand him better now. I can see how much energy it takes to do what he does. I understand he needs time to himself, to relax, to get his energy back. Master tells me he wants me to be stronger. I know I have to be.

If I was feeling fragile my Master could instantly fix me, with a look, with a few words, with a touch of his hand on my neck, a bite, a spank on my ass. I tell him that he is like a drug to me. I need my regular dose of him. I worry about telling him that, how he will react to me using those words. Because it doesn’t sound healthy. But it was the best way I could describe how I was feeling. I didn’t want to feel that needy. But being away from all my usual comforts and routines, I didn’t have my usual coping mechanisms. I didn’t make plans, because I felt like I should be available to my Master. I could hear him in his apartment. To be so close to him, and not be with him was challenging. When he didn’t want to spend time with me I felt lonely. That is my own fault. I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to use his little servant. It felt like time was slipping away. Then we talked, he understands how I am feeling. Master decides to spend more time between the two apartments, he takes a set of keys, and from that night he spends more time working in my apartment and being near me.

It makes me happy to make Master lunch, to bring him cups of tea, to iron his shirts. I am frustrated that I can't speak the local language, and not having a well set up kitchen, means I can’t do more to serve him. I am incredibly grateful when he visits for meals and cups of tea, because it gives me the opportunity to serve my Master more. That’s what I need to do. It feels so right to serve him in that way. We get to spend time together as Master and servant. Talking, or just being in each others company. It is a rare experience for the two of us. I am grateful for every minute.

There are times when my Master opens up and tells me what is happening in his life, with his health, and with his relationship. I am grateful for those conversations. I need him to trust his little servant, and be able to share what is going on in his life, the good and the bad, so that I can serve him better. Because if I know, then I can understand, and I can support and care for my strong Master.

Master asks if I know that he cares about me. I shake my head. At the time it felt like he didn’t. We sit on the couch together. It should feel nice, to curl up next to my Master on the couch, to have his arm around me. But it has never felt comfortable. I have never been able to feel relaxed when we sit like that. “You’re not comfortable are you? Go to your place.”  I move so that I am kneeling on the floor in front of my Master, he lets me rest my head on his lap. He strokes my hair and holds me close to him, holding my neck. Finally this little servant is calm, truly calm. I breathe deeply and feel my entire body relax. I feel like I am melting. I have never, ever, felt that way before. There is always tension, I am always holding myself, checking myself. It was at that moment, with my Master realising and acknowledging what I needed, that I felt really cared for. I am so grateful that he discovered that for me.

If Master had time, it became something he would allow me do after lunch, before class started. It felt like a way to connect before spending hours working alongside a big group of people. I often went to class with marks all over one side of my face, creases from Master’s trousers. One day someone noticed them, and it made me smile that they had no idea how I actually got them.

My knees become bruised, I have marks on my ass, and a big bruise on my breast (that is still there now, a visual reminder of my trip). My cup of tea didn’t notice it for days, when he finally asks, “What’s that?!” I keep my face blank as I lie to him, saying someone bumped into me. The truth of course is that my Master stood behind me and grabbed my tits, pulling his servant to him and pressing his hard cock into me. Master said he enjoyed looking at the bruises on my knees. I like them too. They are an outward sign of my submission that I can show and no one will know what they mean.


One night Master shows me photos of a beautiful, hot naked girl on his phone, “Messaging with my friends…” It breaks me. I say something in response, I smile, then I get up and leave the terrace. I need to kneel. I need to breathe. I need to remember that he wants me, he wants to keep me. It doesn’t matter to him that I do not look like the girl in the photos. I pull my dress down and stare at Master’s mark on my chest and try to be stronger for him. He wants that. I know why. After a while I get dressed, and return to the terrace. Not completely recovered, but stronger than I was.

Master doesn’t want to constantly reassure his little servant. If I question that he wants me, it is questioning his judgement. I really do understand that now. I know I am not perfect, I will have moments of being fragile in the future. But I feel like I have more experience and knowledge, after my time with Master, and I will be able to recover better. I will be better for my Master.


I feel like a very lucky little servant when my Master wants to use my body. I love dressing as his slut for him, especially with his mark across my chest. I wear my new suspender harness and the chains and I feel completely sexy and beautiful. I wear the latex skirt, Master makes me kneel on the bed and he spanks my latex covered ass. I finally get to wear my corset for Master, that night once he has finished using me, he allows me to have an orgasm. I kneel on my bed and stare at myself in the mirror touching my wet pussy, as commanded. I am fascinated by how I appear. That is me, my Master’s horny little slut of a servant. I feel hot and beautiful. And his orgasm is powerful.

Master says he is going to get a collar and a leash for his little servant. I smile. I know how that will make me feel. To be collared for my Master, to have him pull me to him with a chain. My god, the thought of that makes me so incredibly horny.

I’m on my back on the bed, and Master is fucking me, “Open your mouth.”  I do as I’m told and he drips saliva into my mouth. It is such a turn on. It is the same feeling when he slaps me, my body reacts like he has touched my pussy. It is intense and I feel so connected with my Master. I know I am completely his. To use as he pleases. That is what he wants, that is what I need.

“What am I going to do now?”
“You’re going to fuck your servant’s ass, Master?”
“You have no right to complain, do you understand that?”
My Master’s cock is thick and as he presses into my tight ass the pain is intense. I groan and I’m whimpering. “Master, please…” I know I’m making too much noise. I press my face into his pillow and try to breathe as he commands me. I know every part of me belongs to my Master. He wants to fuck my ass, I know he is not going to stop, I really need to open for my Master. I know the pain will stop. Finally it does. The intensity makes me incredibly horny, to be used in that way, I’m so wet. “Oh my god.” Master hears me and reaches for my clit, I love feeling how wet I am on his fingers, and how much his thick cock is filling my ass.

“You are the best, Master”
“You are my Real Man”
“What about your cup of tea?”
“he is nothing.”
“Say it.”
“he is nothing. he is nothing. he is nothing.”

I’ve always noticed that my body reacts the most strongly when I feel I am being completely used. Restrained, Master’s hands tight around my neck, slapped, spanked, fucked. I know when Master wants me to sit on his cock and please him, that I am also being used. But it feels like I think too much when that happens. I worry that I am not pleasing him enough. I can feel the difference in my body. The funny thing is, the night that Master fucked his submissive and I together, and the last time when he fucked me in his apartment, I didn’t think that way. I didn’t think at all. I was simply serving my Master as he commanded. As I needed to. So maybe this little servant is making progress. I hope so.


I was so sad to leave. I wish I could stay close to my Master. I have to go home. I don’t want our last few hours to be filled with me crying. There are tears of course. But also good moments, with my Master on the couch and me curled up at his feet. He says if he is honest, he is not that happy about me going home to him, my cup of tea. I’m not that happy about it either. But my life is waiting for me. I return home with my Master’s name on my chest, and a better understanding of my Master and how to serve him better.  

I am my Master’s little servant, His good girl, His little bitch, His slut, His sex toy.
I am doing what I need to do.
Master wants to keep this little servant.
I am incredibly grateful.

My Master is back home now. It felt strange saying goodbye. Strange knowing that he is no longer only a few blocks away. Yes, he is physically far from me, but as he says, he is close. Always.

There are so many different things to write about from Master's visit. This is most likely going to be a jumble of thoughts and memories. Apologies if it is disjointed. It feels like I need to write down all these things, because I need to see how far I have come, how much I have changed, understand who I am and what I need to do to be better in the future for my Master.


The submissive me has been growing and growing. I’ve felt it happening. There was a lot of curiosity, for both of us I think, about how I was going to be and how I was going to react and behave.

Kneeling for my Master
It felt so good to kneel in front of my Master. Comfortable. Right. He said he thinks it is humiliating to kneel for someone. Which I thought was curious. Maybe I misunderstood, and he feels it would be humiliating for him to kneel for someone? Which it would be, of course. I don’t feel humiliated kneeling for my Master. Far from it. I respect him and his power over me. It is an honour, not a humiliation, to kneel for my Master.

It was strange to first see my Master in a big group of people. Then sitting next to him in a bar, drinking terrible wine, while a girl questioned him about love and relationships. Those few hours were so bizarre. All I wanted to do was kneel and have my Master smile and say “good girl”. After that night, when we were around others, I would stand with my arms linked behind my back, the way Master taught me, because it was my way of dealing with being in a “normal” situation with my Master. I needed to show him that he is always my Master, no matter what I am doing, or where I am.

Master slapped me
Yes, I knew that Dominants slap their submissives. I knew there was a chance that my Master would slap me. I just wasn’t sure how I would react. The answer is that I didn’t react. It felt like a completely normal thing for him to do. Because my body belongs to him, so he can do whatever he wants to it. I accept that, and enjoy that, because that it pleases my Master to see how much I am his.
It is a crazy good feeling when my Master has his hands around my neck and on my throat. I crave it. I need to feel his fingers tightening, holding me to him. It makes me just want to melt into him. It makes my pussy throb. I get horny just thinking about it. Master taught me to move towards him, to press against the pressure of his hands. This little servant will remember that lesson and will do so when she sees her Master next.

It has felt like my Master had been fucking my mind for the last nine months. Suddenly he was here, right in front of me, his cock filling and stretching my mouth, pussy and ass. He was fucking my body and leaving his marks of ownership all over me. Hand prints on my hips from pulling me on to his cock as I sat in his lap. Bruises on my chest, knees, shins, feet and hips. Marks across my butt from him spanking me. Master said I’m like a flower, because I bruise so easily. That made me smile. This little servant doesn’t mind the bruises. I’m proud of them. They make me horny, because I know what I did to get them.

My Master didn’t just mark me with his hands, he marked me with his cum. My face, hair, stomach, tits. One day he came in my mouth and I walked home straight after. My cup of tea was there, and as I gave him a quick kiss hello, I thought isn’t it funny that these lips were so recently wrapped around my Masters thick cock. I felt no guilt whatsoever. Knowing me, and the morals that I thought I had, all my life, that still manages to surprise me. 

“What will you do for your Master?”
“Anything.”

He stretched my pretty little ass with his thick cock. I had been sure that one day my Master would fuck my ass and he wouldn’t be nice and allow my body time to adjust to him. He wanted his servant to open herself to her Master. He wanted to hear that it hurt, he wanted to know that I would take the pain to please him. I know the pain is worth it. My body did open for my Master. I like being stretched and full of my Master’s cock.

The first time Master fucked my ass on this trip, I was so turned on and horny I was incredibly close to having an orgasm. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to ask Master’s permission to have the orgasm. I was too nervous to ask. Firstly because I know that serving Master is for his pleasure, not mine. Secondly, I didn’t want to look like a fool asking permission to have an orgasm that would probably go away the instant I asked.


He fucked me hard and rough. I needed the feeling of him using me, for his pleasure not mine.
He pushed me face down onto the bed with my ass in the air and fucked me.
He lay on top of me, my arms behind my head, pinned me with his arms on top of mine. God that felt good. It made me so horny.
It is so interesting to see how I react to different aspects of serving my Master. I don’t feel self conscious when I am being used in that way. Not that I have any choice about anything, but when I’m being fucked that hard, I really truly feel like I am being used as my Masters possession.

Master is the best fuck I have ever had, because he knows how to fuck my mind and my body.
 

Master and I met one day while he was here to walk around the city. He drank coffee, one good, one bad. We talked.

He asked me how I was. I told him honestly that I hadn’t been that good. I had been feeling quite fragile and odd since I had last served him. He thought maybe that was because he had fucked me rougher than previous times. Given that I enjoy that, I didn’t believe that was the case. Of course, I had done some googling, to try to understand what I was feeling. Someone else must surely have felt the same. I did find some writing that helped me. It was called Coping with Emotional sub Drop. A lot of it seemed to make sense, the coming down off the endorphin high, the feeling of being vulnerable after having been so open and exposed.

Master hadn’t told me how it would be when he was here. He had just said wanted me to be available. So I made sure I was, as best I could. I took time off work, I planned it so I could be out in the evenings in case he wanted me to serve him. Then he didn’t want to see me every day, he didn’t command me to cook for him, that surprised me a bit. Yes, I know he wasn’t just here for me, he was here to work. Plus time is never on our side. I felt like I needed to serve him more, learn as much as I could. And I don’t just mean serve him as in have sex. Master knows that the domination he has over me is not just about sex. It is continuous, all day, every day. I needed to be close to him. I think perhaps the emotional drop that I had was to do with this. I felt slightly abandoned. Like I wasn’t wanted. Saying that may displease my Master. He deserves to do as he wants, when he wants. That feeling is something that I need to be aware of, I need to be stronger, not let it take over in future.


It did feel really good to talk though. We are in touch constantly, but messaging is not the best way for talking about bigger things. We never really talked about how this would all work when he accepted me as his submissive. I don’t think either of us knew what would happen, whether he would want to keep me, whether I would find my submissive self that had been hiding. So many unknowns. 

“I want you to be my servant 24/7”

In all honesty, I really didn’t know what he meant when he said that to me. Was he wanting to steal me away in his suitcase? No. Obviously not. I am married and have my life here. He understands that. But to know that my Master wants this little servant to serve him 24/7 is a beautiful feeling. It makes me happy. It calms me. I will continue to serve and please my Master as best I can. I won’t worry about the future, I don’t think about the future. I will just take every day as it comes, and be grateful.

I think my Master is worried that a crisis is looming in my relationship. There is that danger. If I continue to be less affectionate. If I continue to say no to sex. It will cause a problem. I can see that. I don’t want that.

When I was first with Master he asked how often I have sex. I told him about once a month. Now it is much less. I say no for various reasons. Sex with my cup of tea is boring and quick. It doesn’t turn me on. I need different things. I belong to my Master now. If I have sex, I will be punished. I am a good girl. I fear being punished and will avoid punishment as much as I can. Making post-sex videos apologising to my Master truly is an excruciating punishment.

Talking to Master that afternoon made me really realise that something needs to change. I have to find a way to make my new life work with the boundaries that I have. 

 
“I want to keep you. I don’t want you to worry about that”
Hearing my Master say those words, it was so important to me. I really needed to hear him say that. I am incredibly grateful that he did.

I think the two separate me’s are now one. I have to come to terms with that. I have to make this work.
I know who I am now. I am my Master’s little servant. He is pleased with my progress.