My role is to be a devoted and obedient servant to my strict, demanding and intense Master.
My position is on my knees, ready for my Master’s command.

I never thought I would write words like those about myself. The life of a submissive servant was never one I desired. I had never considered it. Sure, I had got super horny reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy along with millions of other women around the world. But that hadn’t made me curious about why it turned me on. I didn’t suddenly want to be tied up and spanked. One day my husband, in an attempt to spice up our sex life, handcuffed me naked to the stair banister, I burst into tears. It made me feel so vulnerable and ashamed.

I’ve always been self-conscious about sex, I’ve never really given myself permission to enjoy it. If I have managed to let myself go, afterwards I have always felt ashamed and embarrassed. Interestingly, that hasn’t been the case with my Master. After he’s fucked me, or if he gives me permission to touch myself and have an orgasm, I don’t feel ashamed.

I just feel happy.

Perhaps it is because I am not the one in control. It’s not about me. I am simply doing what he commands me to do, and if it pleases him, then I feel happy to have pleased him. I don’t feel judged.  

Now that I am Master’s little servant, I feel like a different person. Master often commands me to tell him what I have learnt so far, how do I feel now that I am his servant? I tell him that I feel like I finally know who I am, I feel more comfortable within myself, I walk around with my head held higher because of that. I wouldn’t want him to think that suddenly I am strolling around town feeling superior to others because I am special and have a Master now. It’s not like that. I just have a quiet understanding of who I am, what I am.

I know he is taking over more and more control of me, my mind, my body, my actions. I can look back over the last few months and see how my mind has changed. Master is never far from my thoughts. He is the first thing I think about when I wake in the morning. We are in different time zones, I message him every day to let him know that his servant is awake. It always makes me smile to see his “good morning baby” reply. When he writes “good girl”, the happiness I feel is like a quiet glow that fills me.

I’m grateful when he takes the time to message me. Mostly I feel small and insignificant, I don’t want to be a burden to my Master. But I need his control and his guidance. I appreciate that taking me on as his servant involves a lot of responsibility, and time. The fact that I was completely ignorant to the dominant / submissive dynamic and how that works means that my Master has to teach me everything. I didn’t come to him as a trained submissive who just needed to adjust to please this particular Master. I had no idea about anything. I just had a huge desire to learn.


At the start, I think I thought it would be easy to keep my role as a servant to Master separate from my normal life and my marriage. Two different relationships, two very different men with different needs. We don’t even live in the same country. Simple. I was so wrong. I didn’t expect myself to change, didn’t expect what I need to change. Now I get frustrated with my cup of tea. I feel like I need a stronger man. I still love him, and it hurts to see him lose his confidence with me, and know that that is my fault. But I can’t switch off my desire to be controlled and possessed. Only my Master deserves my obedience and submission. Not my cup of tea.

There is an intensity about my Master that I have never experienced before. When other men have kissed me, it’s just felt like they are horny and want sex. When my Master kisses me, I feel like he is demanding, consuming me. Not just physically, but mentally. I can feel my body react to my Master’s strong energy.

My personality is one that likes to please people. I try hard to keep everyone happy. That is a natural part of me. When it comes to pleasing my Master, it is on a much higher level of need. His displeasure makes me feel like my world is going to fall apart around me. I feel deflated and desperate to fix my error. There have been a lot of errors and missteps along the way. The learning process has been difficult at times. Not because of his teaching, but because of my ignorance. I don’t know what I don’t know. Because I didn’t ever desire to be a submissive, I have no idea what I need to do sometimes. Every time I make an error my Master corrects me. That’s how I learn. I understand I need the corrections, but they also make me feel like I am failing him.

At the start I would pause, my mind would question what he had asked, what he had commanded. I might feel uncomfortable about it. I would think about it. No, I don’t want to take a photo of my tits. No, I don’t want to message one of your submissives. I know now not to question my Master. I am to do as commanded immediately, no thinking, just respond, do as I am told. And when I do, my Master is pleased, and I feel happy to have pleased him. I think I am improving, but there is always room to improve.

I thought I would feel guilty about what I am doing. I don’t.

While away on holiday at New Year, Master commands me to touch myself and have an orgasm, I had pleased him. That night I lie in a tiny little double bed, my cup of tea asleep next to me, and I touch my wet pussy until I have a long intense orgasm.

We had friends around for a few drinks one afternoon, Master is checking in with me and asking how my life is going, it turns me on that I am messaging my Master while behaving like a dutiful wife in front of our friends. He commands me to go and touch myself. The instant I read his message I walk to the bathroom, kneel, have my Master’s orgasm, send him a voice message thanking him and telling him I am incredibly grateful and feeling very naughty, then I go back to my friends and my cup of tea.

Doing those things for a man that is not my husband. How is it possible that I don’t feel guilt?
(It’s actually funny to me writing about those two moments and comparing them. They were probably only one or two months apart. But I changed in between them. If the New Year scenario happened now, I wouldn’t wait till the evening when I went to bed, I’d just do it immediately)

It has been a process for me to not feel jealous of the other girls and servants that Master has. I have never been good at sharing. Master has slowly taught me to be happy for all of his pleasure, not just the pleasure that I can give him. It has been an interesting process for me, to see me adjust. I know that there is more that I can learn to be better for my Master, I need to be able to be naughtier for him and celebrate the fact that my Master can fuck scores of beautiful girls. It is a process. I can see my progression. My anxieties and self-confidence issues still pop up often, even though I try hard to keep them away. That is a bigger battle for me than jealousy. 

Having a strict Master to serve effects all aspects of my life. Much more than I was expecting. My mind and body are no longer my own. I belong to Superior Master.

.

My Master wants me to face what I am.
My Master wants me to celebrate what I am.